it sounds better when i read it outloud. but here. read it to yourself out loud. yay.

the silent pulsing of the crowd, hypnotic
say what i say to cover the brain cracks, fissures, broken seams
forever and a day. forgive to forget the enemy fire fiend sulks in sideways glances
hand baskets: the nifty new way to travel underground.
devil horns and skull faces surround me drowning. the umbrella is a mushroom and i cannot leave
the man in the carpet yelps like a wounded puppy as the razor slices thin and precise names of loved ones who haunt the hallways of daydream's past.
invisible strings floss swiftly, 3rd party tugging at the corners of your mouth. pretty puppet sing me to sleep. stumbling gently over rust crusted cellphones on sidewalks decorated with sharp candy coated shards, broken promises and sweaty pillows.
awake in a rectangle the stench of yesterday's arm pit playtimes oozes from the pictures.
connect the dots on popcorn ceilings.
-----
nevermind gangster, what about dankster
my shit is danker than yours
"you ain't dankier than me, because you got weed and its stinky"
FUCK. my career in hip-hoppity-bee-bop will never take off with lines like these.
but its modern day warfare, droppin chemical bombs on my furry cohabitants.
them fleas has gots to go
skritchity scratch, those are things of the past
reading rhymes off of cereal boxes
counting stars like fallen angels we fly
mischief causing rebels we climb
faster in trees of rope licorice and powder our noses blue, pixie stix
the blood is normalto be gushing
at this rate i've cried enough tears to fill a girl made lake of silly sloppy tails and dreams' demise
open your eyes, silly goose, you've touched down in the perfect place. you're still alive and not a pillow.
rejoice in the choices made and be glad for mediocre diner coffee and acid reflux.
polite reminders of being alive
better late than never, better now than ever
this is it, be glad and spit huge gobs of lung chunks and this baggy is not leaking coffee stains and burned up, shriveled up hopes and dreams
one day we'll all get to be stars on the stage of this-can't-be-happening-to-me-now-really?
-----
its my life
my life lays in piles all over the floor
leftover reminders of my every day.
my life is packed away neatly in boxes shoved haphazardly into storage closets of those in transition.
my life is a dvd menu; constantly repeating funny one liners until my ears bleed, my guts clench up and i brave the cold mess just for some peace and damn quiet.
you would think that sleep would come easy for someone who has fallen asleep alone for many moons.
but no. clocks broken tonight.
the little green bottle inside has exploded.
i want to be drunk on the words of a poet describing life as he knows it
his life looking through a window.
my life is an organized closet, a shoe collection that no longer makes me happy.
my life is almost meaningless monotony and a past more colorful than a drab finger painting done by a brilliant 5 yr old, more abstract than an 8th grade crayon scribble.
more emo than finch's letters to you.
more magic than song.
what it is, is temporary.
the end is nigh.
the room is clear.
my life is words written on paper stored in purple folders in another town.
my life is flowing through the veins of light that i wish i could see everyday so i don't get sad anymore.
so i don't cry save the tears shed for epiphanies so mind boggling the only response left is tears.
i want to get lost on sidewalks in a different city. i want to ride my bike from dededo to tumon. i want to hike somewhere and eat oysters and chicken n a biskit. i want to have hot sand under my bare feet, sweat i cannot stop, smiles, love and respect deeper than the ocean.
i want deep blue seas and sunsets to die for.
i want to fucking float on the surface of the shiny fucking marble planet.
i want to be, like the dust particles on knick-knacks-taking up space.

while i was listening to the untitled song performed by atlas sound my brain wrote:

the scary story loops forever untold sabbath stories of best friends and the ocean that deserts them five ice cream cones later all funeral thoughts are far from my brain, hunting for eggs in strange backyards. do they ever get bored with each other's company and search for a way out? the magical and mystical tales told by some random sufferer dreamscapes slide away down neighboring gutters, collecting rainwater trophies for hidden accomplishments.

---

snap, heres another.
--
if i could freeze time..or maybe just slow it down, i would watch the colors in the air change, count the many rainbow ribboned patterns that pieces us together. and on your face i see a pattern for a blanket, colorful and sad. but when you go on i will look to the stars and be comforted.
the build up of the beat carries my feet to wherever the urge pulls me. treetop butterflies to feel the soft earth and run in frigid weather until i overheat
(feeling is good)
yellow laughter engulfs the sitting spot side tracked but never too far off the beaten path. maybe no one will understand the love i carry around with me everyday for clever words, soothing sounds and city star-scapes. new shoes, cute strangers and the sound of the ocean. purple sunsets, no shoes and clean sheets. bare skin, chemistry and spontaneous song-bursts. singing on my bicycle, word murdering and brat-titudes. some people will never understand that i encompass the beauty of the mundane and the magic of defeat.

teeth pulling 101
there is no right time every second is free for the taking ripe for the picking
prime real estate soapbox speaking opportunities take a left right here
my everyday lines interspersed with words only a lover's ear would understand
shower me in raindrops and soul food
lay me down on blankets of earth glitter and wrap me in leaves and lost wishes
i whisper softly and the words tangle in treetops
in oversized sweaters i tuck my secret sorrows all afraid of tomorrow's
joy-killing obligations. what i would give to be a log floating down the river
decaying in the sun
particles of my being serving all purposes and none
to live and to be free are contradictions
there is no such thing because life is living in chains and death is a silent chamber
a void inescapable
freedom means testing the limits.

all i want to do is cry. but these tears are meaningless
they cant keep me warm at night, tell me they love me, or sprout hands and give me rubs
they don't play with my hair or tell me secrets.
everything they say i've heard before
and i languish in my fears and peace is shallow
i'm a pawn. maybe a prawn eating shit, soon to be someone's dinner.
all these love stories make my heart into a solid mass of coal.
somebody light my fire
burn some bridges and marinate some meat. better yet i'd rather be the meat marinating i the silence stewing in the vibrations making soup out of membranes and puke finding comfort in the flickering light at the end of the tunnel.

what are the odds of me being hit by a bus? why is that odd at all?
must hold a sign a subtle hint drop me a line hallowed out reminders and twitchy links
breathe. no. breathe. will i. breathe. ever be the same again?

stress kills.
duh. but my heart is still kicking, i guess thats good. but its bad because i still have to do stuff. i want to be reborn as a house cat. a spoiled furry house cat.

i remember why i didn't like that exfriend in the first place. haha. i'm over it, like the cow and the moon.
i've been writing crazy new words, "poetry" if you will. i've shut my notebook up and away from me this week. because all i want to do is write and i ignore the things i have to do to get a grade!! because that silly expensive piece of paper will help me get a job? really? anyone know anyone in houston? can i start guam potlucks there? do i really have to have a car? i'm spoiled with easy transport here in eugene. i've got my chevrolegs, bicycle, and my bus pass for life! i'm set. like jello in the fridge two hours later.

i saw p.o.s. at the wow hall. the best show in awhile. he signed my poster, i'm so cool now. ahahaha.

actually i should be writing this paper. but look, life is too short to not update my EI blog.
facebook is too...open...

but i do have a mind set on change.

so, i'm applying for teach for america! yay. i hope i make it. i want a job. i want a masters in education. i wanna be there.

currently friends again with my exfriend. not frenemies. but just a protected friendship. censored friendship. who knows. but i'll try this one again.
potluck tonight. i'm bringing miso soup. lolz. fun. nate is bringing spam! lolz.